Grief is a deeply personal and profound emotion, yet it often goes unnoticed or misunderstood by those who haven’t experienced it firsthand. Unlike physical pain or visible wounds, grief is an invisible struggle that can be challenging to recognize and acknowledge in those around you. Especially as time goes on after the loss of a loved one, people grieving can feel like no one sees them and what they are going through. It’s as if their inner pain has become invisible to the outside world.
The Invisible Experience of Grief
Grief is not always visible to the naked eye. While some may openly express their emotions, others may internalize their pain, putting on a brave face to conceal their suffering from the outside world. Often people keep quiet about their grief because they don‘t want others around them to feel uncomfortable or awkward. Other times people feel pressure from their society to just “get over it” and so don’t feel a sense of understanding or permission to be honest about what they are feeling. This invisibility can lead to people feeling isolated and alone, misunderstood and unsupported by others.
Moreover, society’s discomfort with death and loss often contributes to the invisibility of grief. We live in a culture that values productivity and positivity, where expressions of sadness or vulnerability are often met with discomfort or avoidance. As a result, those who are grieving may feel pressure to “get over it” or “move on” quickly, further concealing their pain from others.
The Impact of Invisibility
The invisibility of grief can have profound consequences for individuals and communities. When grief goes unrecognized or unacknowledged, it can lead to prolonged suffering, feelings of loneliness, and even mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Thoughts of regret and sadness are heavy ones in the grief journey and people can get stuck in these feelings if they aren’t able to share and process with the support of others. Keeping your grief hidden can make the adjustment journey longer and more painful. Grief invisible may prevent individuals from fully processing their emotions and finding a healthy way forward.
The invisibility of grief can strain relationships and social connections. Friends, family members, and coworkers may unknowingly distance themselves from those who are grieving, either out of discomfort or a lack of understanding. Distancing from someone who is grieving reinforces the message that they are to manage on their own, which makes it doubly hard for people experiencing heavy grief to reach out. Such isolation can deepen feelings of loneliness and being invisible or make those in emotional pain feel very cut off from their community and social circle. This makes the grieving process even more challenging.
Shedding Light on Grief
It’s time to break the silence surrounding grief and shine a light on this often-overlooked emotion. Experiencing grief is a normal emotion that all of us experience in this lifetime. Keeping it hidden only serves to stigmatize and make it seem like it should be feared. By raising awareness and fostering open conversations about grief, we can create a more supportive and compassionate society where individuals feel safe to express their emotions and seek support when needed.
One way to support those who are grieving is by simply being present and offering a listening ear. Letting them know that you are there for them and that their feelings are valid can help people feel valued and supported. Showing up, more than once, to simply be present and available to talk on their terms makes all the difference. Take care to not assume you know what people who’ve experienced a loss are feeling. Making assumptions can minimize others’ unique experiences and individual journeys. Instead, let people know you care by doing small things to show you are thinking of them. Asking, “How can I help?” can be the biggest sign you are there for them, and you see them as they are.
Being open to sharing stories about the person who has died is a way to connect with those that are grieving. Taking time to share memories, funny stories, sad stories all makes a difference in reducing the invisibility of people’s grief experience.
Getting in touch with your own fears around death and loss is another way to prepare yourself to be present for others. Often, we shy away from talking with co-workers or friends about their grief because the topic is an awkward one for us. Many times, I’ve heard people say, “I don’t want to mention anything about their loved one who’s died, because it might upset them”. Taking a moment to ask yourself what you believe about grief, and feeling heavy emotions will help you recognize if you are giving off vibes that keep your friends silent about their own grief. Facing heavy emotions bravely is how we learn to manage distressing emotions. Being upset is a normal response when we’ve lost someone dear to us. Feeling the heavy stuff is an important part of adjusting after a loss and finding your way forward. Our bodies are built to be resilient. Trusting in yourself that you can be present when people around you need support will help you allow others to open up for their own healing.
Grief need not be invisible
Openly talking about the grief that occurs after loss is a way to share more natural compassion and caring with those in our social circles and within our communities. Supporting people’s reactions to loss helps people grieving feel that their experiences are normalized and accepted. Giving people permission to talk by actively listening and checking in with them shows you’ve not forgotten that significant traumas or losses have occurred. Talking is also a way of honoring those who have been lost and keeping their presence alive.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief or are feeling invisible in their experience, please reach out. The team at Transforming Tides Counselling offers a free 20-minute phone consultation to discuss your needs and answer your questions about counselling with us. It’s important to feel comfortable with your therapist. Let’s find out if we’re a good fit. Book your free phone consultation here.
