Experiencing trauma is part of being human. Most people will experience a traumatic event once or twice in their lives. The majority of people who experience traumatic events, great losses or disasters are able to manage, get back on track and go forward in life. A small percentage of people who experience traumas struggle to cope, and develop symptoms of post traumatic stress that affects them for years afterward.
Resilience is what makes the difference.
Resilience “is essential to the survival and thriving of human beings and human societies” writes Linda Graham. Resilience is what gives us humans the ability to cope with traumatic events, with the loss of loved ones, with tragedy and with everyday stress and adversity. Graham goes on to describe Resilience as “the capacity to bend with the wind, go with the flow, bounce back from adversity”.
Resilience is created through a complex layering of individual skills and beliefs; genetics; early developmental experiences in safe and nurturing environments; and patterns and rituals within communities and cultures. Put simply, resilience is about what you do as an individual to make it through the tough times, and how you connect into a community that comes together with support and understanding when the disasters strike.
Resilience builds through protective factors
Protective factors are aspects of you as an individual that are encouraged within you from an early age. They include things like:
- Being self aware so you are aware of your own strengths and weaknesses
- feeling confident in your own abilities to notice stress when you experience it physically and emotionally, and that you can regulate difficult emotions when they occur.
- Being adaptable and flexible emotionally and psychologically
- Building an optimistic outlook in life, so you learn to see the positives and opportunities in situations that encourage growth and renewal
- Being closely connected to family, friends, community that offer you a safe place of support and understanding.
Dr. Amid Sood, the director of the center for resilience and wellbeing, a world renowned expert in resilience says resilience involves these five principles:
Gratitude: Being grateful for the small things around you, like that text from a friend, the coffee you drank this morning, the fresh air outside. Focusing on the small things helps you feel grounded and positive.
Compassion: Being present for others while you share an understanding of their pain. Chose to walk alongside people in tough times, being there to offer support and caring.
Acceptance: Seeing things in this world as they are, without judging and criticizing and assuming they should be different than they are. This creates an openness and sense of flexibility.
Meaning: Consider what purpose you have for your life. Live that purpose fully. Do activities that make a difference and help you live out what’s most important to you.
Forgiveness: Offer others understanding, know that everyone struggles at times and makes mistakes. Be kind to yourself as well. Holding grudges does no one any good, certainly not yourself. Allow forgiveness to open up your sense of connection with others.
It’s never too late to start building your own inner resilience and joining the community around you to strengthen your connections. Working on your own ability to regulate your emotions, to calm yourself when the going is tough is something you can do now. Volunteering, and spending time getting to know your community is another way to build connections that will serve you well in times of tragedy.
If you feel unsure of how to begin strengthening your inner resilience, and you struggle with regulating your emotions when the chips are down, you may need to seek professional support.
References:
Linda Graham Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster
Everyday Health Resilience Center at https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/resilience-resource-center/
